Home Again, Home Again

So we had a smooth re-entry into the states, arrived home around midnight, and dropped, exhausted, into our VERY comfy beds!

This morning I stand in my kitchen feeling bewildered. I am nearly immobilized, having little sense of what I am supposed to be doing. Laundry? Weeds? Visiting? Bills? Sleeping? Groceries?

Let me say that I am glad to be home again. The house is clean and quiet. I slept with blankets on last night for the first time in a month, and am enjoying feeling cool and dry (actually a little too cool!). An unplanned visit from my father-in-law was a welcomed sight and I've already had some time to visit with my mom as well. The kids ran across the back lawn for some breakfast as soon as they thought Grandma would be awake, so the reunion has been lovely, but I'm feeling strange and unsettled inside. Tears feel near, without clear explaination, and my thoughts are a messy jumble in my head.

What am I SUPPOSED to make of this experience in Haiti and how now shall I live? What purpose did God have in bringing my family and others from this community to fellowship with, serve, and learn from our Haitian brothers and sisters? Why do I stand in the middle of my kitchen this morning feeling dissatisfied instead of simply relieved?

I am feeling some of the same sense of disorientation I felt the first couple of days in Haiti, trying to find my place in a strange, new world, only now the strange, new world is my own. I'm "supposed" to feel at home in my home, in my community, with "my own kind", but I am feeling a little lost and homesick today. I'm missing babies, and Nannies, and staff. I'm missing the cool air under the mango tree, laughter in the volunteer house, the singsong language on tongues and the music of worship across the compound. I'm missing the mountains on the horizen and the gentle rustle of palm fronds, and even the children at the gate.

I am NOT missing mosquitoes, roaches, being peed on, or sweat! : )

I am praying that God will speak his truth into my life today, breathe into my thoughts the way he would like me to think, and above all, lead me in the way of righteousness. Perhaps "unsettled" is exactly what He wants me to be feeling today. Maybe my normal is not okay and His Spirit wants me to feel disatisfied with the status quo I've lived in. Or maybe this is a passing state of "adjustment", which would be far easier to stomach.

I am looking forward to talking with some other Haiti-connected folks in the coming days and weeks to see how they are experiencing readjustment. May we be open to the God's use of this experience in any way He sees fit.

A shout out to our Haiti friends who may be reading this - love and miss you guys. And huge thanks to all of those who made this trip possible - we're grateful. I hope many others will have the opportunity to experience this in the coming months and years - should we all be so blessed!

Christina